Who am I?


The mind is such a complex part of human anatomy
How do we start to analyse who we are or who we want to be?
Some two years and eight months ago, I became so very ill
But positive in nature, believed I'd battle it with sheer will
However, this was not to be - my mind and body weak
No control I had of anything, just pain and eyes so bleak
Tests and scans that followed were all surprisingly clear
How could I feel so ill inside, my mind so numb with fear?
The most minimal of tasks were so exhausting to the brain
A phone call or a visitor - plagued me with migraine
I had no life, no function, could not grasp reality
So scared was I, who am I? what will become of me?
No matter who's around you, you always feel alone
How can anyone really help you? You're in this on your own
I'm not a quiet person, who just muddles through the days
I'm always such a happy thing - the 'life and sole' so they say....
But, my life was shattered instantly when I discovered 'm.e.'
I had no strength to fight it, in a world too dark to see
Why did the sound of summer birds drive me near insane?
A gun to the head - was this the way to take away my pain?
I'd wake up in the morning wishing the day would pass
Then praying for the darkness, and quietness at last
No pills, no cure, no anything, to ease this bane of my life
If I were a dog they'd shoot me - then to a land of 'paradise'
These thoughts I had so many times, because I had no guarantee
Who was to say I'd be well next year - it was really just 'wait and see'

Months and months passed slowly, now I never dare look back
Although on a slow recovery - I'm on a recovery track
Each week is a rollercoaster, not knowing how I will be
Many days in bed like a zombie, yet another day, making tea!
My mind is still a mystery - my memory - what's that?
I forget so many daily things, and repeat the same old chat!
Well, I know I'm still a long way off until I'm fit again
But, now, the days I cope with and never wonder - when?
I'm sure there's many people who relate so much to this
And my message to them all, from my heart, is simply this ....
Don't fight this dreadful illness, but accept and live it through
And with gradual slow activity, your life will return to you